The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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