Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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