if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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