I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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