You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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