I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
