I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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