dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
