WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
