We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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