he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
