Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
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Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
