Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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