If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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