We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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