hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
