I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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