I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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