Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
