My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
