I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
