I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Who died my cat blue again?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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