Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
