btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I love you. Go after that dick
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
