Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
