I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
