does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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