Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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