So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
