Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
