I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
