kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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