Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
