I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
