Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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