I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
