You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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