I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
