If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
