My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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