ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Pants are for mortals
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