Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
