The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
