where am i from again
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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