Already got asked if we're dating
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
