Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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