everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
