K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
