i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
