Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
