Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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