Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
