I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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