Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
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