I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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