Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
