flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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