Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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